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lyrics

Cabbages and radishes and cheeky brussels sprouts
That sing and dance and chuckle when the sun is out
The snails leave silver trails as they munch on this and that
The bugs and slugs are wearing strawberries as hats

There are blueberries and raspberries and gooseberries galore
There are squashes in a very wide assortment
You'll be amazed at what I've got
Growing on my plot
Why don't you join me as I go down the allotment?

The flowers are in bloom attracting busy bees
That carry bits of pollen with their tiny knees
Tomatoes and potatoes and what some things are I'm not quite sure
The compost bin is full of rotting horse manure

I've got rosemary and basil I've got tarragon and thyme
I've got chives and coriander and I've got mint
Amidst the broad beans and the peas
You will find me on my knees
Pottering about down the allotment

The allotment committee hold the purse strings of the kitty
They'll evict you if your plot is not in order
Or if your veg as gone to seed or if its overgrown with weeds
Or you haven't run the strimmer round the border

There are always people here, they come across and interfere
When I really wish that they'd all go away
For when the evening sun goes down
And there's no-one else around
I like to sit down by the rhubarb patch and say:

I love you rhubarb
WE LOVE YOU TOO
You never grumble when I overharvest you
I love you rhubarb
WE ARE YOUR FOOD
In a crumble, dipped in sugar, raw or stewed

Greenhouse built by gods of old
Wreathed in thorns and nettles
What secrets do you hold?

Greenhouse beckons me within
Whispers in the undergrowth
Crawl around my skin

Greenhouse through your crystal door
Hideous shadows dance forever
Laugh but smile no more

Weeds of every kind
Dandelions and bindweed
And worst of all there's cooch grass as well
The roots go deep into the loam
I dig until the earth below me opens up
It's a portal straight to hell!

Bury me on my allotment where I've plied my toil
Let my rotting corpse enrich the sandy soil
Under the allotment I can then give something back
To all the rhubarb that I've eaten for my tea
For as my body rots and nutrients permeate the plot
It will be time for the rhubarb to eat me

WE LOVE YOU MARTIN
I love you too
I feel so humble now I'm down here feeding you
WE LOVE YOU MARTIN
I am your food
In a crumble, dipped in sugar, raw or stewed

credits

from Down The Allotment​/​Waltzing EP, released August 16, 2013
Words and music by Martin White
Recorded and mixed by Jonathan Clayton at Onecat Studio, Brixton, UK
Strings recorded by Sebastian Durkin at the RCM Studio, London, UK
Field recording at Martin's allotment by Dan Mayfield

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The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra London, UK

Orchestral novelty-prog.

No! Wait! Come back!

Based in London, we've been going since 2007. The line-up is around twenty four players.

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